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Archive for the ‘My Wife’s Amusing Musings’ Category

The End Result

I was lying in bed last night, minding my own business when I hear a familiar noise sneaking up behind me. This sound is not one of my many children of the herd, but more of a slow door creaking in a horror movie. I proclaim proudly once finished that I have accomplished the feat of the six minute poot. I begin to explain to my resting spouse, waking her up to do so, that I did not experience a fart, but a poot. She replied

Does it really matter? The end result is the same.

I attempt to debate this topic with her to which she responds by rolling back over ensuring I witness her rolling her eyes on the way. I was simply trying to explain that a poot is much drier and less content than a fart. A poot generally produces air, and mine never stink, while a fart moistens the gears a little, and have to potential to be somewhat smelly. Perhaps we will continue the conversation elsewhere. As for last night in bed, I guess the means did not matter as much as the end. To me, it was a long, drawn out, hilarious poot.

– Me

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Wisdom (inverted)

“If the government wants it compliant; it will not work… If they want it to work, it will not be compliant”

This is the crux of our governmental wisdom. Take this quote and apply to your government job or installation…

– Me

First of many to come

My wife was explaining to me last night about weight loss based on a commercial about a new healthy sausage biscuit thingy. If I am not mistaken, this particular sandwich was around 350-400 calories. She immediately took note that there were no 6′ men on the commercial, as that would have served as a tasty snack for the massive calorie vacuum. No, only women, and none appeared even slightly overweight. To top it off, this was in an office environment that resembled a cubicle farm, so seeing thirty sedentary women who are all somehow in shape seemed a stretch. Now to the musing….

My wife took note that the only way to lose weight effectively is not to diet, but to always be in a state of hunger. She expanded her thought and concluded that once a person reaches the optimal low weight they can sustain, if you wind up full at any meal, you gained weight that day! Amazingly simple, yet undeniably true. If you want to lose weight by changing your dietary habits, you have to stay hungry according to her. I trust what she says is true and found it truly funny. There were more and have been, so I created the new tag My Wife’s Amusing Musings to give her funny and sensible voice somewhere to linger.

So, if you want to lose weight – just make sure you are always hungry and never full. Try it and see what happens, because it sounds about right.

– Me

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