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Archive for the ‘Funny’ Category

No Gun Ban

As if this were new… (D) Feinstein’s anti gun bill never made it past CNN and MSNBC. To hear the media heads talking, the entire country WANTED guns banned. So in response to that country-wide outcry, Feinstein created a gun ban law that had overwhelming support!!!

Until it did not have overwhelming support. Amazing the media would have you believe this was coming down the pipe, and then the day of the introduction, NOBODY supported it! It did not even make the Senate, much less anywhere else. Reid did not take it up or allow it – and for good reason. It is stupid and against the Bill of Rights (Which still do matter).

What an idiot this lady is. What idiots the media are. I wonder now if they feel like dopes being proved wrong that everyone wanted this? Probably not because it just doesn’t work that way. They tell you what your information is – so you soak it up. What about when they are wrong, like in this scenario? Will there be an apology of sorts? Nope, just more of the same and I bet a little blame to go around. I have always wondered when the media gets it so blatantly wrong, and starts pointing fingers, how they conveniently miss the mirror pointing back at them?

Anyway, enjoy your gun non-ban Feinstein

– Me

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Hunting Humans is LEGAL…

We have federal regulations and state laws that prohibit hunting ducks with more than three rounds. And yet it’s legal to hunt humans with 15-round, 30-round, even 150-round magazines.

I had no idea that hunting humans was legal. CA D Dianne Feinstein made that comment in another poor attempt to explain why anyone needs more than 10 bullets. I am not getting into the weeds with this idiot. I think most know my stance on gun control. The Bill of Rights guarantees it and that’s that. What is truly scary is this CA Senator has been in Congress since 1992. Granted, she is from California, so her brain does not work properly, but hunting humans is legal? I am quite sure she was referencing the USE of what she refers as high capacity magazines, but that is not what she said. She said “. . .it’s legal to hunt humans. . .”

I find it insulting these very people like Feinstein are acting as though we normal folks are too dumb to figure out how to use a weapon, while she thinks its legal to hunt humans. I think whatever “test” or “qualification” she and other legislators place on the citizens to purchase weapons, they should have to pass as well to serve in the Congress. I would almost recommend some to a psychological screening as phrases like this spew out of their head leak. Wow, hunting humans now… I know some idiot out there agrees with her – and is probably a voter to top it off.

– Me

The End Result

I was lying in bed last night, minding my own business when I hear a familiar noise sneaking up behind me. This sound is not one of my many children of the herd, but more of a slow door creaking in a horror movie. I proclaim proudly once finished that I have accomplished the feat of the six minute poot. I begin to explain to my resting spouse, waking her up to do so, that I did not experience a fart, but a poot. She replied

Does it really matter? The end result is the same.

I attempt to debate this topic with her to which she responds by rolling back over ensuring I witness her rolling her eyes on the way. I was simply trying to explain that a poot is much drier and less content than a fart. A poot generally produces air, and mine never stink, while a fart moistens the gears a little, and have to potential to be somewhat smelly. Perhaps we will continue the conversation elsewhere. As for last night in bed, I guess the means did not matter as much as the end. To me, it was a long, drawn out, hilarious poot.

– Me

Wisdom (inverted)

“If the government wants it compliant; it will not work… If they want it to work, it will not be compliant”

This is the crux of our governmental wisdom. Take this quote and apply to your government job or installation…

– Me

First of many to come

My wife was explaining to me last night about weight loss based on a commercial about a new healthy sausage biscuit thingy. If I am not mistaken, this particular sandwich was around 350-400 calories. She immediately took note that there were no 6′ men on the commercial, as that would have served as a tasty snack for the massive calorie vacuum. No, only women, and none appeared even slightly overweight. To top it off, this was in an office environment that resembled a cubicle farm, so seeing thirty sedentary women who are all somehow in shape seemed a stretch. Now to the musing….

My wife took note that the only way to lose weight effectively is not to diet, but to always be in a state of hunger. She expanded her thought and concluded that once a person reaches the optimal low weight they can sustain, if you wind up full at any meal, you gained weight that day! Amazingly simple, yet undeniably true. If you want to lose weight by changing your dietary habits, you have to stay hungry according to her. I trust what she says is true and found it truly funny. There were more and have been, so I created the new tag My Wife’s Amusing Musings to give her funny and sensible voice somewhere to linger.

So, if you want to lose weight – just make sure you are always hungry and never full. Try it and see what happens, because it sounds about right.

– Me

Funny Image Search

Google Image Search “funny” and this came up first:

stop stop

Bing Image Search “funny” and this is what you get:

bing funny

 

– Me

InstaScam… I mean InstaGram

Instagram is now selling any and all photos you take using the APP. Either get rid of the app or quit bitching about it. That is really the nuts and bolts of the situation. I fear this is becoming a new trend in app money making. What’s next? Picasa and Google selling photos off your home PC because you are connected to the internet? Angry Birds using photos on your tablet or smart phone for resale? Oh wait, they CAN ALREADY do that. When you accept the terms and conditions they set forth, you are agreeing to allow them to take your personal photos and use them. It says so right there in the warning before you accept or decline! Now why would Angry Birds need your personal photos? To make more money of course! Why else?

I find it interesting Instagram is talking about selling the photos without the permissions of the photo owner. That means if someone takes a picture of me, then Instagram can now use MY image without my permission? Now that IS interesting… Delete the apps on your phone and use it for its intended purpose, or have your sexting photos on a Vodka billboard in the Ukraine. Your choice, but I can live without the Angry Birds and have no use for an app that makes my high def photos look like a 1982 Polaroid that was dropped in the water before it developed fully. Maybe it’s just me, I dunno.

– Me

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