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Archive for the ‘Douchebags’ Category

Steve Wilkos

What I find the most disturbing about this show is how this guy tries to bully people on his show, all the while claiming to be helping them. This guy is a terrible host, and the show is terrible. Watch this at your own peril. This show is not even that entertaining due to Steve being a super-dick the entire show. He postures against his own guests and gives the worst advice I have ever seen. He is no doctor or mental health professional – and it SHOWS! This guy will twist ANY statement by his guests to fit his agenda – make the guests angry and force a fight. . . Tell Steve you take care of your kids and he replies “they dont even like you”. . . Tell Steve your ex will not let you see your kids and he replies “I would walk through on fire broken glass barefoot to see my kids”. No winning with him because he is not a real talk show host, and cares nothing for the truth. He cares about Springer-style entertainment: FIGHTS.

Go back to being Jerry Springer’s bouncer, or a crappy cop, and leave the talk shows to those who don’t try to fight their guests. I have never seen another host be so confrontational while “helping” his guests before. What a douchebag

– Me

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New Douchebag!!! Been Awhile…

Just when I was about to give up on the Douchebag category, another douche rears his head. . .

Let me paint the scenario. Two lane roadway, 40 MPH speed limit, sidewalk on one side, narrow shoulder on the other. Enter douche on a bicycle, of course not on the sidewalk. No, that would make sense; this douche rides with traffic on the yellow line while casually swerving into oncoming traffic from behind. Nothing wrong with riding a bike, I do it from time to time. Guilty of riding in the road is this guy with two thumbs as well (You have to picture that one – me pointing at myself with my thumbs while saying the guy with two thumbs – whatever). Why ride in the road when you could easily ride on the sidewalk? More interesting than that is before I approached this future Tour de France contestant on a Wal-Mart 10 speed, he was on the sidewalk, and for reasons unknown, crossed the street TO ride on the yellow line where his safety was in jeopardy.

Guy who was inconvenienced by a douchbag riding his bike on the roadway instead of the sidewalk. Who is me? (Jeopardy again)

That is perhaps the more important aspect. The inconvenience of drivers, as the drivers are the ones ultimately responsible for NOT killing this idiot. Any driver could easily have made him a new speed bump and simply claimed they did not see this LiveStrong candidate. He would have been all butt-hurt had this happened, and he lived of course. The fault is ultimately his own, though. It would have made my day to hear about this guy later on in the news, but alas, he apparently made his destination regardless the poor decisions. Well, there is always tomorrow – until there is not haha. Thanks douche for giving me hope that stupidity and douchebags still exist. Until next time

– Me

Douchebag (P.14)

The rumble in the jungle. The suburban growler. The construction site drive by.

This segment of douchebagedness is brought to you by the teenager who pumps his gas constantly in front of your home at 11PM because he thinks it cool to hear his daddy’s truck growl at him from inside the cab. There is nothing that screams good night sleep like hearing a busted 10 year old truck with Flow-master exhaust pumping its skinny pedal on the right to maneuver past the stop sign in front of my home. This single action makes my rest so fluid, almost to a narcoleptic or deep REM stage 4, where I mimic a coma because I am so obviously rested. Without the presence of this child dangerously posturing an almost 7K pound 350 horsepower machine around town, I may never get the sleep I deserve. Thank you, young douchebag, for giving such a great and wonderful donation of screaming pipes and constant audible vibrations.

The pipes are not so aggravating if the douche operating them would calm down a little and realize these were also popular in the 70s, and every one of his friends have the same lame set up, pissing off their neighbors as well… You, my friend, are a douche, now keep it down at night, stop acting like your dad when he was your age; some of us are trying to sleep.

– Me

Douchebag (P. 13)

Let us talk about the douche for the day…

The person standing in the middle of every random retail shopping facility in the world. This person is not merely standing there looking at items to potentially purchase, but is holding conversations in a bottleneck area where others cannot pass. This always occurs where two displays come together allowing just enough room for a buggy to pass. Now I am sure people can go around, but the point is rudeness. If this person were not extremely rude, they would hold their respective conversations elsewhere… like say where two buggies can pass each other, allowing ample room for other patrons to maneuver around their obviously important conversation that HAS to take place right there – right then. Well, this person is extremely rude, and that is why they are holding their conversation of utmost importance in the way of everyone else. Now comes the fun part. In order for you to get around this plethora of manners, you have to speak to them. Generally this will be something to the affect of “excuse me”, although you are not the one needing to be excused here. This is a polite way for the social creatures in our species to navigate this situation with minimal fuss. Well, bring on the attitude! This asshole not only refuses to hold their conversations elsewhere, they now look at you as though you are somehow inconveniencing them by politely expressing your need to get around their play date. This is where most will just chock it up to being in a bad mood or being bitchy or whatever. I chock this up to lack of simple social skills. This will garner a smart ass comment from me if you are the unfortunate attitude holder. I am also able to catch attitude at any given moment, and as most will not choose this moment to express their disgust in what they see, I, and others will absolutely take this time to return the good gesture. While most will say nothing and move about their day, all know and understand you garnered the douchebag award for the day! Bask in its infinite glory, as you have truly earned it.

– Me

COD MW3 Cheater

I know it is just a game, but I feel resentment when I play people like this. It really takes the fun out of the game and makes me wonder how they could have fun KNOWING they will not die during a match. Anyway… enjoy this cheaters unbelievable score due to his undeniable skill (with a sniper rifle no less) 34 kills, 2 assists, and 1 death! Must be nice to be this “good”

– Me

Douchebags (Pt. 10)

This episode of Douchebags is brought to you not in part, but fully, by Black Friday.

Ahh Black Friday, the Hell day shopping extravaganza for the feeble minded drones. Go buy utilizing these super sales that you will never find elsewhere. Here we go…

First of all, it is absolutely absurd for a person to assume their time is worth less than money. Time is money, and unless you actually enjoy fighting over this years hot-ticket item like a bratty school kid taking his kick ball and ending the game because he is losing, then these mediocre sales mean nothing. Your time IS more important than saving $30 on an Xbox, and if it is not, then y0u are one who could not afford this luxury to begin with. People camping out overnight in front of a Target waiting for the doors to open so they can trample their neighbor in order to skew the meaning of Christmas the night of Thanksgiving is an absolute cultural travesty of epic proportions.

We even have the “occupy” tards out in force protesting purchasing goods. Apparently these idiots know how to make their own Plasma TV! Anyway… I suggest to these modern day “warriors” to pick their battles and start watching Woot or Amazon for deals where they can normally find great prices with free shipping and guess what – no effin taxes bc its online and usually interstate trade and therefore not privy to intrastate tax laws.

Long story short: the midnight camper farting recently overstuffed food is our Douchebag. Get a life already, and stop acting as if Wal Mart is giving away kidneys – They clearly are NOT! These idiots hurting each other over the “deal” fail to realize the store selling these usually off-brand products are still posting a profit from their stupidity. That being said, there is always, ALWAYS, that same deal elsewhere as not EVERY business will have the same mark-up. Think about it people. Stop being sheep, these stores are not offering you blasting great deals that they could never offer any other time during the year. Do not fall victim to the marketing strategies of years of research, in which you were bundled with other idiots looking for the one that got away – When all this time, the one that really got away was YOU – and your common sense. Need PROOF? This marketing campaign is called “Black Friday” and you just fell victim to a purely commercial holiday!

– Me

Ask a question, get an answer – that is how it works

Ok people in unicorn land where things are nice and bubbly. This is the way it works: You ask me a question and I respond to it. Now don’t run off, stick around and see what that response was, and maybe answer back. It is highly cowardly to throw one-liners out and then ignore the rebuttal. That is a very childish act in which you wanted to throw your one penny on the conversation, but have no legitimate debating topics for everyone. So from now on, try to have adult debates about whatever you are responding so negatively to, and stop throwing a single punch and running. I know you are coming back and I know you are getting my responses, so all I ask is for you actually defend your comments instead of hitting and running.

So ask your questions, and receive your answers, but do not waste time starting a debate or disagreeing if you have no intention of attempting to explain.

– Me

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